new, confused, depressed

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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kittykitty
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon May 22, 2017 1:36 am

new, confused, depressed

Postby kittykitty » Mon May 22, 2017 2:04 am

Hi:
I'm new to this site, and I need someone to just hear my story/situation. Over the last several years, my life has been turned upside down. It began by my mother being diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. She gradually got sick, and then I became more and more depressed. I took care of her daily as much as I could up until the end, until she could not longer deal with the pain. She took her own life by shooting herself in the head in the bathroom. I found her, and the scene was horrific. Since then I have insomnia, and take sleeping pills which don't work. My mind just won't shut down. I just can't get that image out of my head. It is so hard for me to even go into the bathroom area (near the shower/bath tub) because that is where it happened I sometimes wait days before taking a bath because I just can't bare going in the tub, because of what I saw at her house.
Also, I recently have been having breast pain, and am in the middle of getting it checked out by specialist, but to get into a doctor is taking so long, but they did find some masses, but they THINK they are benign. But the waiting is killing. And my husband is not helping, with me not being myself, he doesn't treat me the same. No more compliments, doesn't acknowledge me as much. Example. I cut my hair short the other day- he didn't say anything about it- I had to mention it to him, I said what do you think- He said it's SHORT! , nothing else, not nice, looks good/bad. Also, I bought an outfit, he doesn't acknowledge me with positively/negatively ion that either. I feel like everything is going down hill. I cry all the time, and I just wish I could get my smile back and be happy again, I just don't know how. Nothing I do seems to work or be right. I don't know. I stopped visiting my 21 year old son, because I don't want him to see me like this, and my husband and I hardly talk. I just seem stuck. It can't get any worse. Right? I'm so tired.

lovingladyo4
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon May 22, 2017 9:06 am

Re: new, confused, depressed

Postby lovingladyo4 » Mon May 22, 2017 9:42 am

I am so glad you took the liberty to unload this heavy burden. I believe talking about your concerns is one of the first steps toward feeling better. You really do need someone to talk to on a very regular basis and I am so sorry that can't be your husband, at least right now. Have you considered finding a Bible based church in your community? I would strongly suggest calling some and ask to speak to someone who is on staff and can help you find some direction. They might even be able to direct you an individual or a group support. You need to be surrounded by mature Christians who understand the hardships of life, and have experienced many of their own, and who are commited to standing together and holding each other up.

Please promise yourself you will seek help. You will feel better when you take that first step, and feel even better when you find someone who is willing to listen and understand you. You needs tools for strengthening your heart and often times that help can come through someone who will walk with you and guide you, whether it be a group of women or a therapist or a church staff member.

Do not remain idol about this. That is the worst thing you can do. You might want to pray and ask God to help you set up a time when you can approach your husband to talk. He is a loving Father and wants His children to experience His peace and joy inside a marriage. Ask Him to prepare your husband's heart so he is ready and willing to listen to all you have to say. Ask your husband if he can be on your side, if you can lean on him, and if he will be your protective covering while you are battling through this difficult time.

I promise I will be praying for you too. Sending you a blessing dear friend.

froggymom
Posts: 19
Joined: Tue Feb 07, 2017 2:47 pm

Re: new, confused, depressed

Postby froggymom » Mon May 22, 2017 3:30 pm

I am so sorry for your terrible suffering. I know God loves you and is there with you although you may not feel that way at this time. I agree wholeheartedly with lovinglady04. Please seek counseling and spiritual healing.I have sent you a private message. I am praying for you.

sugarcane
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon May 22, 2017 4:05 pm

Re: new, confused, depressed

Postby sugarcane » Mon May 22, 2017 4:50 pm

Hi,
Life is difficult. Im sorry about your mother's loss, she chose her own end as she was in lot of pain. Firstly you need to visit the doctor for your chest pain. Please dont depend on your husband for your happiness.. people change with circumstances.. and people die, its the bitterest fact of life. You really need to make peace with your mum's death. I know its really hard as you loved her dearly. Life and death is nature's process . You need to find your path of happiness in your life's journey.. new things to get busy with.. try to sleep at night. remember nothing is in our control.. life is slipping away.. spread love and happiness wherever you go.. give your husband love.. dont fish for compliments, just love him without cobditions and do not tolerate any kind of abuse

littlestarsmum
Posts: 101
Joined: Tue May 16, 2017 11:36 pm

Re: new, confused, depressed

Postby littlestarsmum » Mon May 22, 2017 11:10 pm

Welcome aboard, friend! I’m so sorry to hear about your loss and your situation. My heart ached as I read your post, and I wish I could give you a hug. I know how difficult and painful it must be for you. Depression is a very complex issue that deserves personal and in-depth attention. Have you ever considered talking with a therapist/counselor? Do you think that's something that might be helpful for you personally? Do you think your husband might consider going with you? I just said a prayer for you, and I hope that God will surround you with His perfect love and provide the wisdom, comfort and help you need at this time. Please know that we care about you and are here to support you. Like the other poster said, sharing your heart out is the first step towards healing. I know it’s not easy right now, but I do believe there is hope. Sending hugs & prayers your way!

Helloraspberries1
Posts: 260
Joined: Wed May 25, 2016 2:11 pm

Re: new, confused, depressed

Postby Helloraspberries1 » Tue May 23, 2017 2:10 pm

Hi there and welcome to the forums.

Sounds like you had had a really tough time. Alot has been going on. I don't know where your emotions are right now but well done for making the first step talking on here.

Right now you said your not sleeping. That's a problem there. Please get treatment for your sleeping. You can always go to your local chemist and ask someone there whether that's talking to a doctor for advice about your sleep or a behind the chemist till assistant.

I do agree with the poster who said about not looking for your compliments. I know that's easy said then done but compliments doesn't always make a person feel better. You say your husband never gives you one. Would you either want your husband to say it for him not to mean it or not bother and wait until someone genuine gives you a compliment? Aslong as you feel good in yourself then that's what matters.

It feels to me that you have been looking after and trying to help others where you havent helped yourself. Why is that? Are you a caring person or feel people need your help more?

I want you to do something at some point this week just for you without anyone around you. I want you to know how it feels to be looked after. You need a break and right now you could do with one.

Forget about other people for now. It's about you.

Please keep reaching out on here two. It's really important you talk to someone. Also think about am activity or group you could attend. That can be anything. Would support group help or a Social Club work better? Whatever it is do something for yourself.

Hugs and kisses

Helloraspberries.

tjwilliamson81
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu May 25, 2017 5:48 am
Location: modesto

Re: new, confused, depressed

Postby tjwilliamson81 » Thu May 25, 2017 6:29 am

hi,
I am to new here. not sure how to post yet or how to work the website yet I just need to vent and to get my sadness out so I can get it out of me. pleases excuse my spelling I am a horrible speller. my name is tammy I will be 36yrs old soon. I have nothing to show for my life I have never been in love, never had a relstionship of any kind. I suffer from agoraphobia or fear of the outside world also social anxiety disorder borederline personality disorder I have hard time understanding my emtions or how to express them or idetfy them. when I was young I wanted to be in love and have a child but all my fears keep me inside. I just wanted to know if there are others out there like me who suffer. so if you have similar illnesses like me or you to have never known love just let me know your out there please


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