Hiding My Pain...

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Orchaid Lover
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2017 12:47 am

Hiding My Pain...

Postby Orchaid Lover » Tue Jan 10, 2017 1:19 am

Hi.
I'm not really sure where to start. I guess I really joined this site because I needed to be able to express everything I've been holding in have have someone actually hear me and understand. Most of the people in my life don't notice that I'm depressed. I'm fairly certain if they knew, my family wouldn't care. I'm not really sure when it started but over the past year or so my depression and anxiety have gotten a lot worse. Only two people even know about them and neither understand just how bad it is. I don't know how to tell my family and I doubt they would believe me. I'm the unwanted person in my family. My older brother is the "miracle child" and he used to hit me when I was growing up. He actually attempted to choke and drown me a few times. My parents always turned a blind eye. They never really cared for me. I was just the disappointing follow up to the child they wanted.
I say this so you understand why I feel I can't go to them with any of this. I'm only 17 so they would just brush it off as "teenager drama". I promise it's not. Though I'm sure many of you won't believe me. It's okay though. I kind of expect it. I think adults are under the impression the young people just blow all of their emotions out of proportion. Maybe that's true for some but I think most of us just haven't learned how to hide our true feelings yet.
Lately I'm finding it hard to even get out of bed. I keep asking myself "what's the point?" I'm not so sure things will ever get better. I just want someone to know how bad it is. Maybe if someone understood that'll help. I'm hoping that by talking to people with similar situations that I'll realize it's not so bad, maybe I won't feel so alone. After all, that's what we all want, isn't it? To not feel like we're alone in our pain?
I guess I'll see if anyone actually read this. If you did and you don't believe me, that's okay. I'm kind of used to it by now...

encouragingsoul916
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2017 2:20 pm

Re: Hiding My Pain...

Postby encouragingsoul916 » Tue Jan 10, 2017 2:57 pm

Hey Orchaid Lover – thanks for sharing your story. It’s brave and whether anyone else responds, I’m sure people reading your story will draw some connection with the emotions you’ve expressed. Although it’s difficult to say “I understand how you feel” I can relate to some of the emotions as they mirror how I felt at times. I’m sorry you’re feeling so isolated and I would imagine the lack of validation from those around you only pushes you further away.
There is hope though – that light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train :D I grew up dealing with a lot of fear, abuse, depression, and loneliness… it was terrible. However, I’m living proof that things do get better. With the right help, you can find strength, validation and support. One thing that helped me immensely is realizing that most of the time people do not entirely understand how or what I’m feeling – heck, sometimes I’m not entirely sure either. However, it doesn’t mean that they don’t care. Parents can be out of touch but it’s not always because they don’t care or don’t love their kids. Sometimes parents get caught up with life, worries, stress and anxieties too. Maybe expressing yourself through writing might help build a bridge with your parents – I often find it’s easier to write than talk. For me, keeping a private journal helped express my thoughts and center me at some of my toughest times. Sometimes it felt like me against the world – felt like I was in a dingy out in the middle of a wild ocean. I found strength in myself that I didn’t know was there and it’s that strength that carried me through some of my darkest times.
I hope you know that you’re not alone. There are a lot people out there that will read your story and instantly connect with the feelings you expressed. I’m sorry for how bad you’re feeling but I do sense hope when I read your story – hang in there and if you ever want to talk feel free to reach out.

Orchaid Lover
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2017 12:47 am

Re: Hiding My Pain...

Postby Orchaid Lover » Tue Jan 10, 2017 10:57 pm

Dear encouraging916,
I just wanted to say thank you for you reply, and the advice. It actually made my day better. Funnily enough I am a writer, or at least I'm someone who write and hopes to one day have my stuff published. I have also kept a journal for a few years now and it has been helpful. I'm hoping talking to people with similar situations will help me as well.
Thank you so much,
Orchaid Lover

ree
Posts: 22
Joined: Mon Nov 14, 2016 6:37 am

Re: Hiding My Pain...

Postby ree » Mon Feb 27, 2017 3:00 am

I believe you and understand <3 hope you're okay

Scorpio68
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Mar 05, 2017 1:33 am

Re: Hiding My Pain...

Postby Scorpio68 » Sun Mar 05, 2017 3:01 am

I have read your story. Your life has purpose. Have you ever considered yoga or meditation whenever you start to feeling this way. Try and replace these negative feelings with positive thoughts and actions. Blessings


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