Any advise would help... thank you for reading
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catherine.90
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Tue Jan 21, 2014 10:29 pm
Any advise would help... thank you for reading
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Last edited by catherine.90 on Mon Feb 24, 2014 7:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
Hello Catherine,
Sorry to hear about your experience. It is extremely difficult to live up to our parents expectations, even worse when you are being compared to your brothers who are no longer here. It is not your fault what happened to them or which day you were born, so no need to feel guilty about something that wasn't in your control.
You are extremely sensitive towards your parents needs, I can tell you love them dearly but they need to find their own way to cope and you shouldn't be expected to fill the void which your brothers left.
I admire how empathetic you are towards your mother, even after the way she treats you. Even though you understand her pain and what she is going through, the things she says and does still hurts you. She should not take things out on you or your siblings, she have may loved him a lot but she should focus on her children who still alive. It is unfair for her to treat you like your are second rate, and even worse make you believe that you are as well. She may have lost a very good son but you seem like a very great daughter to have as well and she should see that. I hope you see that too, I don't even know you but can tell you have a good heart (so rare nowadays) so please don't ever feel inadequate.
Do you know what it is that triggers off your anxiety, panic attacks etc?
What do you do when you can't sleep? Maybe you can try listening to soothing music, read a book or write down your thoughts. Try to do some exercise during the day and burn off some energy, that should help you sleep better. Engage in a healthy life style, get some fresh air, take one step at a time. Is there something specific that bothers you or do you feel blue or no reason?
I hope you feel better
x
Sorry to hear about your experience. It is extremely difficult to live up to our parents expectations, even worse when you are being compared to your brothers who are no longer here. It is not your fault what happened to them or which day you were born, so no need to feel guilty about something that wasn't in your control.
You are extremely sensitive towards your parents needs, I can tell you love them dearly but they need to find their own way to cope and you shouldn't be expected to fill the void which your brothers left.
I admire how empathetic you are towards your mother, even after the way she treats you. Even though you understand her pain and what she is going through, the things she says and does still hurts you. She should not take things out on you or your siblings, she have may loved him a lot but she should focus on her children who still alive. It is unfair for her to treat you like your are second rate, and even worse make you believe that you are as well. She may have lost a very good son but you seem like a very great daughter to have as well and she should see that. I hope you see that too, I don't even know you but can tell you have a good heart (so rare nowadays) so please don't ever feel inadequate.
Do you know what it is that triggers off your anxiety, panic attacks etc?
What do you do when you can't sleep? Maybe you can try listening to soothing music, read a book or write down your thoughts. Try to do some exercise during the day and burn off some energy, that should help you sleep better. Engage in a healthy life style, get some fresh air, take one step at a time. Is there something specific that bothers you or do you feel blue or no reason?
I hope you feel better
x
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catherine.90
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Tue Jan 21, 2014 10:29 pm
Your words were so kind. You can't believe how they affected me. I did not think it would make me feel so comforted hearing this from someone. Thank you so much for that Ieris.
My panic attacks are hard to describe. I'm not sure what triggers them. I could be watching a movie, hiking, in class or simply lying in bed and I might have a panic attack. Luckily for me they are not as frequent as they used to be. I only have a few bad panic attacks a month. My anxiety is triggered mostly by people or crowds of people I can't control. I have a huge issue with personal space. I don't even like to be hugged by my friends, boyfriend or family. I find standing in line very difficult, because of how close people come to me. I also have a difficult time being around certain types of men... This is the weirdest issue I have. I get incredible anxiety if I am near any type of man that I find threatening. But my view of threatening is very strange and more of a feeling I get.
I've done a lot of what you have suggested. I do find that they help, but not enough at times. I live a very active lifestyle where I exercise daily, I hike every chance I can get. I'm a gluten-free vegetarian, and continue to be very strict with my diet. I find eating meat or gluten tends to make my mood worse. I will really try to take it one step at a time like you advise. I find it very hard to simply be in the present. I feel like I'm constantly upset about the past or what might happen in the future.
I would say I'm pretty sad all the time. It is kind of like a dull ache that never completely goes away.
Thank you again for your advise. I appreciate it so very much.
My panic attacks are hard to describe. I'm not sure what triggers them. I could be watching a movie, hiking, in class or simply lying in bed and I might have a panic attack. Luckily for me they are not as frequent as they used to be. I only have a few bad panic attacks a month. My anxiety is triggered mostly by people or crowds of people I can't control. I have a huge issue with personal space. I don't even like to be hugged by my friends, boyfriend or family. I find standing in line very difficult, because of how close people come to me. I also have a difficult time being around certain types of men... This is the weirdest issue I have. I get incredible anxiety if I am near any type of man that I find threatening. But my view of threatening is very strange and more of a feeling I get.
I've done a lot of what you have suggested. I do find that they help, but not enough at times. I live a very active lifestyle where I exercise daily, I hike every chance I can get. I'm a gluten-free vegetarian, and continue to be very strict with my diet. I find eating meat or gluten tends to make my mood worse. I will really try to take it one step at a time like you advise. I find it very hard to simply be in the present. I feel like I'm constantly upset about the past or what might happen in the future.
I would say I'm pretty sad all the time. It is kind of like a dull ache that never completely goes away.
Thank you again for your advise. I appreciate it so very much.
Hi catherine.90;
It sounds like so much of your present lifestyle is health oriented and positive. That's great. Ieris has most of the based covered emotionally. I have just two practical comments.
A regular sleep schedule so important for emotional well being. I think that many people go for years (solders, war correspondents, artists,...) without getting decent sleep but cope in many ways that just push of the negative effects into the future. Many biographies prove that the deprivation has to be dealt with eventually.
Along that order:
1) As a vegetarian, I hope your getting enough fat in your diet. Slow sugars are good for sustainable energy, but fats are important for emotional stability. Forgive me if I'm preaching to the choir.
2) I often have trouble sleeping through the night. There is a web site "Librivox" which has downloadable recording of classic books in the public domain. Most of the books are well worth reading. Some of the readers are horrible; some are quite good; some are very soothing. I have some audio books on my ipod which are read by particularly calming voices. When ever I wake up during the night I listen to a book for a while and off to sleep I go. The more I've listened to a book (over and over again) the better it works.
I don't know, but listening to these soothing books might help in other environments as well.
And by the way, Thank you for contributing here at the forum. I hope it helps you. Your doing many other good things for your self and writing about them, allowing others to read of your challenges along with the way your coping, is a powerful way of helping a community of others with similar challenges.
Welcome.
It sounds like so much of your present lifestyle is health oriented and positive. That's great. Ieris has most of the based covered emotionally. I have just two practical comments.
A regular sleep schedule so important for emotional well being. I think that many people go for years (solders, war correspondents, artists,...) without getting decent sleep but cope in many ways that just push of the negative effects into the future. Many biographies prove that the deprivation has to be dealt with eventually.
Along that order:
1) As a vegetarian, I hope your getting enough fat in your diet. Slow sugars are good for sustainable energy, but fats are important for emotional stability. Forgive me if I'm preaching to the choir.
2) I often have trouble sleeping through the night. There is a web site "Librivox" which has downloadable recording of classic books in the public domain. Most of the books are well worth reading. Some of the readers are horrible; some are quite good; some are very soothing. I have some audio books on my ipod which are read by particularly calming voices. When ever I wake up during the night I listen to a book for a while and off to sleep I go. The more I've listened to a book (over and over again) the better it works.
I don't know, but listening to these soothing books might help in other environments as well.
And by the way, Thank you for contributing here at the forum. I hope it helps you. Your doing many other good things for your self and writing about them, allowing others to read of your challenges along with the way your coping, is a powerful way of helping a community of others with similar challenges.
Welcome.
I would say I'm pretty sad all the time. It is kind of like a dull ache that never completely goes away.
This sense is very prevalent in your life right now, even during occasional moments of joy, right? In the exact same way, sincere happiness and serenity can be completely dominating. I am only pointing this out to remind you (and other people that might feel this way) of the potential that life has. We often forget that the reverse state can be just as profound as the one we're in right now. When light's fully blocked out then we're completely lost, and that is terrifying.
When we strive towards the light it might seem very distant for the longest time. Sooner or later though, we're bound to break through the surface. This whole shift leaves the sorrow and the pain behind in such a direct and forceful way that they will never again be the same; their dominance over us will be replaced with the dominance of happiness and serenity. Bit by bit, we will return to our natural state of relaxation and limitless potential.
Previous posters have been trying to guide you in directions that’ll be of potential help for you to rediscover and exert your own strength and energy to move, right? The approaches can be so many, and I admire people for their insights and experiences with how sort of to practically take the next step.
It’s a heavy journey to begin with, but it gets easier.
You are welcome Catherine.
I was wondering when you have panic attacks are you ever alone or does it only happen when other people are around? It is pretty difficult to pin point what the cause is, it may be certain thoughts or external factors. When your nerves are buildings up try to remember/write down the things that are bothering you. Hopefully by doing this you will see a pattern of things which cause you to feel like this.
How do you react/feel when someone invades your personal space? Nervous, scared, feel physically trapped etc? I experience something similar but not as extreme as yours, I get butterflies in my stomach. I tend to drink something or eat sweets to distract myself, I take a walk or leave whenever I need to. You should know that you are not trapped and free to move back, away, ahead to where you feel comfortable. A grocery store is a good place to start (you have a trolley which you can use to keep people at a distance!).
What type of men do you feel threatened by? Do they resemble anyone you know in your life? I'm not sure what type of men they are but I will be bold and suggest to say hi to them. They might not turn out as scary as you thought they might be and can help change your perception of them. What they are really like and what you think they are like may be completely different. What do you find threatening about them? What do you think they would do?
Great to hear you are being very healthy, well ahead of me! I may need to PM you for some advice! ;D
I read a book called "The Power of Now", which teaches you how to be in the "present" have you read it? I think you might like it if you enjoy reading.
It is hard to always be in the present though, our minds automatically wander backwards and forwards. But if you are enjoying what you are doing in the present, it'll be easier to keep yourself there. We can't control the past, we can't control the future but we can control what happens now. You may see your past as darkness but try to see the future as light and now you're in the middle walking towards the light. If you create a future that looks bleak you wouldn't want to move forward so try to aim for something better.
You say that you feel sad all the time, is there something in your life bothering you or is there something missing that you want?
Try to write out what an ideal day/life that you want. Compare it to what your day/life is like now. This makes it easier for you to see what you already have, which things you need get and which things you need to lose. It doesn't happen magically, it takes work but hopefully this will help you move towards your ideal life.
(Sorry for the long essay)
x
I was wondering when you have panic attacks are you ever alone or does it only happen when other people are around? It is pretty difficult to pin point what the cause is, it may be certain thoughts or external factors. When your nerves are buildings up try to remember/write down the things that are bothering you. Hopefully by doing this you will see a pattern of things which cause you to feel like this.
How do you react/feel when someone invades your personal space? Nervous, scared, feel physically trapped etc? I experience something similar but not as extreme as yours, I get butterflies in my stomach. I tend to drink something or eat sweets to distract myself, I take a walk or leave whenever I need to. You should know that you are not trapped and free to move back, away, ahead to where you feel comfortable. A grocery store is a good place to start (you have a trolley which you can use to keep people at a distance!).
What type of men do you feel threatened by? Do they resemble anyone you know in your life? I'm not sure what type of men they are but I will be bold and suggest to say hi to them. They might not turn out as scary as you thought they might be and can help change your perception of them. What they are really like and what you think they are like may be completely different. What do you find threatening about them? What do you think they would do?
Great to hear you are being very healthy, well ahead of me! I may need to PM you for some advice! ;D
I read a book called "The Power of Now", which teaches you how to be in the "present" have you read it? I think you might like it if you enjoy reading.
It is hard to always be in the present though, our minds automatically wander backwards and forwards. But if you are enjoying what you are doing in the present, it'll be easier to keep yourself there. We can't control the past, we can't control the future but we can control what happens now. You may see your past as darkness but try to see the future as light and now you're in the middle walking towards the light. If you create a future that looks bleak you wouldn't want to move forward so try to aim for something better.
You say that you feel sad all the time, is there something in your life bothering you or is there something missing that you want?
Try to write out what an ideal day/life that you want. Compare it to what your day/life is like now. This makes it easier for you to see what you already have, which things you need get and which things you need to lose. It doesn't happen magically, it takes work but hopefully this will help you move towards your ideal life.
(Sorry for the long essay)
x
Hi Catherine,
I feel for you and relate to some of what you deal with. However, psychology in highschool and then through college has helped me to understand what ails me- for the most part.
Great advice given above and at this point I've nothing valuable to offer, other than the advice written above. (as of this moment) When I'm in a clear I'll get back to you. PM me if you wish.
I feel for you and relate to some of what you deal with. However, psychology in highschool and then through college has helped me to understand what ails me- for the most part.
Great advice given above and at this point I've nothing valuable to offer, other than the advice written above. (as of this moment) When I'm in a clear I'll get back to you. PM me if you wish.
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