How I ended up here (Long Story)

[Marc282]

Hello everyone

I want to share with you the events that bought me to this forum because I sometimes feel like I'm edging toward the end of the line and with my whole life ahead of me that's not somewhere I want to end up.

So here goes. Up until the age of 14 I was a pretty normal guy, I had lots of friends, many interest and most of all I really loved my life and everything about it, I lived in a happy home, my parent are well off, I have been educated well but none of that mattered after the onset of my illnesses.

I think it was the social anxiety that came first, a nagging voice in the back of my head telling me I wasn't coping in social situations but It quickly progressed to the point that passing a stranger in the street would cause my heart to leap into my mouth, I would hold my breath and physically shake with mortal fear that the person might try to interact with me, I remember jumping out my skin when a women walking her dog asked me the time and I have vague memories of mumbling something incoherent in her direction and bolting like a frightened animal.

After that flood gates just opened up and I was in the grip of severe mental health problems. I couldn't hide it from my family anymore and they took me to hospital because they thought my illness was a disease or something. By this point I had stated to have depressive and manic episodes and was later diagnosed with T1 Bipolar disorder, for my family this was the final straw, from that point my relationship with them went down hill to the point that now I just pretend with them like they are formal friends not close relatives.

I have delusions now, I go into my own world sometimes and it feels frighteningly real, my mood swings very rapidly too nowadays and I also have developed phobias, nervous ticks and am having dysphonic episodes.

My life is grim, dark, has lacked positive emotion for years and feels so desolate, isolated, so desperate. I cling on for the sake of my loved one but I get close to giving in sometimes. I am so lonely, I have desires I can't satisfy, emotion I can't express.

The worst bit is that I have all the potential for a good life, I'm rich and I have family and friends who care and love me, I have everything a normal human could ever want , all except for mental well being.

I have come here because I feel that this forum could provide me wih help and hope.

[fallen]

well at least you don't have money problems ,that's a good thing.
i'm sorry you have the mental stuff though.
i find a healthy diet, vitamins ,hypnotherapy, keeping all stresses out of your life is a good thing , exercise ,this all helps
find a professional you can talk to and trust. then go down the road of meds.
personally i don't do meds but that's just me.
people are nice on here so someone wiser might have other advise.
the chat site might help you even if you just listen to the banter.
take care

[Rambo123go]

You need a support group. I have been in similar situation but add on financial problems it looks like you don't have. Keep on the meds and develop friendships . You are going to haveto be proactive on the friendships and may have some ejection but keeping working on it , be positive, kind and friendships will come. We need each other. Exercise and healthy diet are really important. Smile

[mistystarshine]

I'm sorry about what you're going through. Another one of my online friends (on another website) has social anxiety. Most people are very nice, and if you introduce yourself, even in an awkward way, they won't mind. Some people might even be willing to become friends with you and help. Try speaking with a therapist and taking medication.

[Libra 87]

You poor sod.. Sounds like panic attacks. You clearly lack in confidence. And you can have all the money or good things in the world but still suffer deoression as its negative thoughts and chemicals in your brain. over coming them is a tough thing to do. I went through this stage last year when I split with my ex. I found that I needed to learn to love myself again. I still suffer but more so with trust issues.. I have just recently joined the gym and it does help huni as it releases chemicals in your brain that make anxiety occur.. Also a good balanced diet helps.. I know it may be hard for you but also if you get invited to places or events , don't turn it down. Get out as much as you can as it is a change of scenery and it will help you gain and improve your confidence levels.. If you ever want to private chat don't hesitate to PM me. .. Chin up darlin xx