My Lifes Work

[BloodStaindSoul]

(Rhyme Section)
Friends Are Forever
Friends to me are not just tools to use
Friends are something I never want to lose
Sometimes my emotion just gets in the way
But I feel speechless most of the time not knowing what to say
I try to help get them back on there feet
But I never know what dangers I will meet
I have dreams at night seeing my best friend
Seeing her die slow, seeing her meet a painful end
I feel trapped behind a cage
Not knowing how to release my rage
I watch in pain as my friend’s life ends
This is why I care so much when she pretends
It scares me to see her joke about it
I try so hard to not see in my dreams the white light that is lit
Its storms down on me like a down poor of rain
Please god she is my best friend
Don’t let me see her meet her end

Emotion Puzzle One
There I lay day after long hard day
Wondering if it is worth my while to stay
It’s a battle, a long hard fight
Sooner or later I will see the light
I can’t last this long and expect to live
I won’t have anything left to give
I am scared to open the door to heaven in my mind
I am scared to see what I will find
I want a reason to live this life
What reason do I have for not dropping the knife
I need help from friends and family
I need them to help save me
I feel as if what I need is high up, on a shelf
I can’t reach to save what I have by myself
All I have for my friends is love and devotion
I just need a way to get rid of this bottled up emotion
I just ask my friends to please help me in this fight
Please help all you can with all your might
The one problem is that if you do help to get me through
I will never be able to find a way to thank you

Emotion Puzzle Two
All I know is I must try to keep going
Even without most of you knowing
What in this life is really bothering me
I only wish that my feelings would let me be
Every time I think of this
I know there is nothing to miss
No excitement in my life
No reason to not drop the knife
Something is finding a way to keep stealing
All the things in my life that bring happiness and feeling
Lately I just have not had emotion
If there is one thing I am missing it is my normal devotion
Devotion for my friends and family
That they would all normally see from me
I know this is not how I normally sound
But I feel like my life is taking a dive toward the ground

Someone To Think Of
All I wanted in life was someone to love
All I needed was someone to think of
Now you’re gone and I will never see you again
I always wonder what life will be like when
I don’t have someone to love
Never having someone to think of
Now your down in NC and the next thing I think is
In ten years where will you be
Sometimes I wonder where’s the love
All I think is this is a place I need to get out of
And still I want someone to love
Someone to think of
As I walk down the street at night
I stare up at the street light
Wondering how will I win this fight
And still I want someone to love
Someone to think of
As the light shines on my face
I wonder what can fill this empty space
Then I go back to thinking smart
What can fill this whole in my hart
And still I want someone to love
Someone to think of




Goodbye
I just want to say good bye
I am not going to leave this up high
If I leave this down low
It will make this goodbye to slow
I am sick of lying to myself about it
I try not to cry
But that is just another lie
I need a way to get out of this
This shot to the hart has to be a miss
If it is not then this is a life I won’t survive
I need to find a way to stay alive
I know you were just a friend
But this will still hurt till the very end
No matter how many times I tell myself
I still wish I had your picture on my shelf
I just want that last little gain
As a last attempt to ease this burning pain
And still I ask my self why
As I say that one final painful word
Goodbye

Time Goes By
I sit in class for the final year, and suddenly realize I am almost eighteen
I just sit and wonder and dream, when all is said and done what will this mean
I know I am not ready but all I feel is fear
The end of the time I have to grow up is near
I wonder weather or not in my parents eye
I am nothing but an eighteen year old lie
Even they know I am not ready and they tell me in a very small way
They tell me through the small little things they do that leave me not knowing what to say
Mom looks into my eyes and sees nothing there
I know she wants me to succeed and I can see that she has to care
I know that she has to see where this is going
It kills me to look at her when I have no way of knowing
To her this is no big deal
She has no way of knowing how I really feel
In a matter of a few years I will see
What her being there to watch me grow up really means to me
All these years of her giving me clothing, shelter and food
It has taken so long for me to understand and realize that this is just a prelude
This only shows a small fraction of what is to come
I realize now that this is my life to live, this is my kingdom
Like a baby bird out of the nest it is my time to fly
My mom can only watch and prey I stay safe as time goes by

Birthday Wishes
As I realize that my birthday is only one day away
I hope and prey that the good mood I am in is here to stay
I think about the fact that I am one year older
And it helps me to make one more poem to put in the folder
For me it is an easy concept to see
Although for some reason there are people that will always bug me
They say that I should not have so much to write
But for some reason writing is my way of winning the fight
The fight against my feelings is a never ending battle
Me without the ability to write is like riding a horse without a saddle
I am just trying to prepare myself for life and get my feelings strait
It helps if I don’t have lunch on my mind thinking about what I just ate
But its not that I am still hungry
It’s that my girlfriend is with me at lunch and for a lot of reasons she calms me
She gives me a reason to get out of bed, a reason to live
To her I give all my love and devotion till I have nothing left to give
I just want her to be happy, I want for my birthday for her to be there
I want her there with me to go through life so I have a reason to care
I have to stay with her I have to always there for her
I will always be there for her in life, when she tries to give up I will push her further
She will always have me there and always have my love
There will never be a time in life when she won’t have me to think of

Alone
In a lot of ways I feel I am losing the fight
Losing the fight for what in my hart I feel is right
Not all my friends agree with me
In some sick twisted way I wish they would just let it be
I try so hard to give the one I love a sign
I try to give her a sign that weather she is a first thought to them or not, she is mine
She is the reason in this world for me to live this life
She is my one and only reason for not dropping the knife
I will love her always and forever
This relationship is one I will not in any way want to sever
I will not in any way leave
There is no way I can bring my self to deceive
The simple fact is that she is the one I care about
She is the only one I fear ever telling me to get out
She is the one that invades my dreams and makes her self seen
She will always and forever in my eyes be treated as a queen





Love And Care
All my life I have waited
In all my writings it has been stated
I have not had and don’t have anything to hide
If you want me to listen you will have to hit me in stride
I am having to good of a time to slow down
And if I slow down it will make her think I am a clown
I just want in this whole relationship for her to be happy
And yes it would be nice to know that when she is stressed she thinks of me
I don’t know exactly how she will feel about all of this
It is completely up to her if she gets that first kiss
I have given control of her happiness up to her
What ever she wants done that will make her happy will occur
There is only one thing that will make me stop
And that’s if she tells me to let my effort to make her happy drop
Nine times out of ten that you see me my heart has run cold
But seeing her instantly warms me and never gets old
I know we will go a lot of places together although I am not sure where
All she needs to know is that from me she will always get my love and care

All The Simple Things
Simple things in life always make me wonder
Thoughts in my head bounce around like thunder
The thoughts I have will do nothing but cause fear
They will cause me to go crazy and not want to be here
I try to settle my dizzy, unrelenting head
But still for some reason these things just cause me to want a bed
I just need to sit and try to think
I try to write it out but I just seem to run out of ink
As if for some reason I think it will hurt to bad
I just don’t want all my friends to think I am to sad
Sometimes it is the simple things in life that help to ease pain
They turn emotional pain into promotional gain
I sit outside the room watching my mom take off all her jewelry and rings
And that’s when I begin to wonder about all of the simple things











Fears Of Life
How many things in life can one person fear
Why would someone waist time fearing the things they hear
Most people fear the things others do
Most of us want someone else to do the work and pull us through
It’s as if we have never wanted to do any work
The one person that wants to do work is considered the jerk
They all count on that one person to ruin things
We live in a planet where someone has to ruin it for us as earthlings
Death is something everyone fears in life
When we think of death most of us just think of a knife
It makes me wonder why people have a feeling of fear
For some reason people seem to always think my logic is unclear
But for me I see a clear view of the point I am trying to get across
The fact that not one person I have talked to about it understands is the biggest loss

In Harms Way
In this world he seeks to fight
He seeks to fight for what he knows is right
In the process it causes us nothing but fear
We all just want him to be here
Home with us safe and sound
Instead of on the front lines of enemy ground
As time goes by we hope and prey
That we won’t get that sad cold letter one day
We all know he is not coming home soon
I sit and think about it as I stare up at the moon
I wonder if I will ever see him again
And if so I wish I knew when
Just know one thing brother, we all cry for you
We wait for the day when we will once again see you get through
All we need is time
As we all know that caring about you is not a crime













War and Family
I have never wondered more
What this world will have in store
What will war make us go through
What will we be forced to do
Why if we are all one human race are we forced to kill
Some people go into the army thinking it will be a thrill
Thinking they will get a rush
Until they see friends and family turn to mush
Sometimes I just don’t understand
Why when it comes to weapons there is so much demand
People continue to go to war and continue to be scared
Even more when they realize they have no partner with which to be paired
Some end up going through the war alone
But they are not alone when they’re family surrounds there gravestone
If a guy in the course of this war loses his life
The first to suffer the consequences are his wife
Just like in world war two
When they had more pain than ever to go through
I hope to never have to experience the pain
If I do there will be tears just like the rain
Always hoping and loving but never knowing
Where my older step brother will end up going


Sad Anger
All I want is to get rid of this anger and pain
I feel like I am stuck on the high way in the fast lane
I try everything I can to help my best friend
All I see is her relationship meet its end
She cared and wanted this to work
And in return I acted like a heartless jerk
I am just mad at myself for not knowing when to back off
I have tried for so long to do what she wants me to and now I for some reason I slack off
It’s not for any reason I can explain
I have had no way to explain this terrible burning pain
For the last week it has been ripping me in half
But I can’t tell anyone because I know they will all just laugh
I know in my heart that I was only trying to help and I know very well the reason why
But I also know that deep down within in the core of my heartless soul I just want to cry.





Finding my way
I try so hard and in so many ways
I just feel as if I am in a maze
I am lost not knowing which way to go
I try not to run and just take it slow
I wonder weather I am doing the job she wants me to
I feel as if she will have to tell me what to do
I let her give me orders and show me the way
Most of the time she lets me know what to do or say
I am her boyfriend but also her slave
There is nothing I won’t do for her even if she has to rant and rave
She can yell and scream all she wants to me
She knows she never has to lift a finger I get her all she needs for free

Losing what I love
Most of us in life will never forget
The friends we have not lost yet
The real friends we will always have here
For a lot of us that is are very first fear
For me this can all be summed up in the word change
It looks like I will have a lot of things to rearrange
It’s getting to the point where I don’t know what to believe
It happens more and more often that people try to deceive
It has happened like a plague from below
Killing and destroying all that I know
I try day after day to do all I can just to survive
Most days I consider myself lucky to be alive
Dealing with constant pain
Never knowing what if anything will be my gain
Each day I feel as if my soul is closer to dying
But for the sake of all who care I have to keep trying
Blinded No More
I have been blinded and have not been able to see
The things that you have constantly stolen from me
I have slowly over time had my soul sucked away
Now I have realized I can’t allow this feeling to stay
It needs to change and it needs to change fast
I can’t let this go on like I have in the past
My life has slowly lost meaning and it has been killing me
I need to find a way to break these chains holding me and get myself free
I have to many people I am fighting for
To many that I love so this can’t go on anymore
It’s to much and has gone on for to long
I can’t take it anymore it just feels so wrong
You have for so long done all you can to take my sight
So now I have nothing left to do but fight
You have done to much and crossed a very thin line
But now I have the will to finally take what for so long has been mine
I am blinded no more and can see what you have done to me
But now you will see what I can do to repair myself when my mind is free

Giving Up
All I have I have given
People drive it out of me when there is nothing to be driven
There are a lot of things running through my mind
I am worried that my friends cannot handle what they will find
I feel like I have to give up this fight
My life feels like its draining and so I see the white light
There is no life left in me now as I take my last breathe
The only thing left to do is accept death
The hands of my life fold
As my blood runs cold
I give up my soul to show where my loyalty lies
Looking into my face all you see are soulless eyes
To all that I love remember that I will always love you
Remember that watching over you is what I am here to do
When I go promise you will smile
It will help to cheer you up at least for a little while









Anger and strength
I am living life as though I am weak
Trying day after day to not let my emotions leak
Sending shooting pain through my brain
I do my best to turn this into emotional gain
I use this surge of pain and anger to make myself mad
Although I do everything possible to not show I am really sad
I think of stopping and I think of my girlfriend
I suddenly know my drive and motivation will never end
I workout and work through the pain to make her happy
Nothing on this earth will ever be able to stop me
I vowed to her I would always protect her
And the only way it will happen is for me to have constant anger
If I have to I will use my anger to keep away all her pain
Because I swear I will never leave her, here I am and here I remain

Fade to Black
To remain in this world I must fight to survive
I do all I can and spend all my energy trying to stay alive
It gets harder to breathe as my lungs slowly tire
It feels as if my life is balancing on a high wire
One wrong move and that’s the end for me
As my energy drains my eye sight fails and it gets harder to see
Like a movie clip I start to fade to black surrounded by a cloud of smoke
My lungs constrict and I slowly die as I start to choke
I close my eyes and except what’s coming as I lay my head back
That’s it it’s done theirs no more life as I fade to black

All my love
I have given you everything I could to show you all my love
And this whole time you are all I have to think of
I will give you all I have till the day I die
There are things in this world you deserve and I won’t lie
There is plenty I can’t give you and that breaks my heart
I need someone to put the pieces together and you’re the only one who can start
I want to be with you till the end of time
Together we can do our best to make this climb
Up this mountain we call life we can climb together
You’re the only one I want by my side because theirs no one better
I will spend the rest of my life showing you how much I care
My effort to make you happy will never die this I swear
I have never broken a promise and wont start now
The truth is that I love you and want to show you but don’t know how
People say they can see it when they see us together and I hope that’s true
Because I am not afraid to let the whole world know that I love you.

Torture
I sit and wait for what seems like days
For something that I have wanted for so long in so many ways
I sit and wait for it every day
Wondering if I will ever see the prize that makes it worth it to stay
The more and more I stare around
I start to understand that I will never hear the peaceful sound
Of the voice of the one I love
The one I constantly think and dream of
Eventually days and weeks go by
And I ask myself why
Why do I have to go through this endless mind maze
When all I want is to be with her for an endless amount of days

Unexpected pain
The last few days have been killing me
Trying to hold in pain and let no one see
I can see the pain in my best friends eyes
Even as she tries to cover it with lies
Telling me she’s ok and that she’ll be fine
She is walking a very fine line
Trying to hide her real feeling
When she should be let it out so she can start healing
I will do my best to try and help as her best friend
I will be there for her always till the very end

Thank You For Everything
Thank you for all you have done for me
I will do all I have to in order to make you see
You have saved my relationship and I don’t know how to react
For me it is most definitely a simple fact
I will never be able to find a way to properly thank you
Other than to say I will do anything and everything you ask me to
If you need my help I swear I will do my best
Together we have been sent on an emotional quest
If it was not for you my life would not have much meaning
But I will not stop till I know for sure that you are seeing
That I will always love you and always be your big brother
And I will always want you as my little sister and no other

You Keep Me Strong
I find it amazing how easy it is to make you smile
I know for a fact that I have seen no one smile like you in a while
Knowing that I have you and vet that both care
You are both in my mind all the time this I swear
But with you things are just a little bit changed
My emotions are a little more rearranged
You are my little sister and seeing you smile makes me melt
If only I could show you the feelings that every time you have smiled I felt
You through all this have found a way to keep me strong
Even when I knew looking into your eyes I would not be for long
I want to know you have all that you deserve in this life
I know that sooner or later you will be some lucky guy’s wife
When that day comes ill be they’re watching it
I know I won’t be able to contain my happiness one bit
Just know that no matter what happens I will always love you
No matter what crazy, unthinkable things we go through

Always and Forever
My love is something that will never end
I’m just amazed that its two months and your now more than my friend
Ill do anything I can to show you I care
And trust me there’s more in this head of mine than just air
And I can guarantee that I will use everything I have to show my love
I will show you that you are always and forever the only one I think of
Your forever the only thing on my mind
There are just some days where I don’t know what ill find
Some days where I need someone to talk to
And that’s where you come through
You have done all you can to love me
You put a smile on my face that’s easy to see
When I asked if you would ever stop loving me you said never
And that’s why I swear I will love you always and forever

Burn
Did you come to watch me burn
How long will it take you to learn
You have destroyed what I protected with my life
You are the reason for the blood on that knife
Watch me burn knowing you did this
I know you will watch me burn with bliss
You'll watch me burn with happyness in your eyes
Knowing I died inside because of you and your lies!!



Leave this life behind
Leave this life behind
Leave this life and clear my mind
To set things right I have to fight
I have to keep things in my sight
For all those that are tired
Know that you are admired
For your will to fight
And for your will to make things right

You think you can take me down
Don’t face me ill make you look like a clown
You know damn well ill smoke you, soak you, and just bloody f****** choke you
Till you lose the air keeping you alive
You will finally know how hard ive worked and how much I strive

Leave this life behind
Leave this life and clear my mind
To set things right I have to fight
I have to keep things in my sight
For all those that are tired
Know that you are admired
For your will to fight
And for your will to make things right

I’ll you use all my skill to set this world in flames
Im tired of fighting weak and sick of playing games
Once again ill smoke you, soak you and, just blood f****** choke you
Its time to bring out the big guns
They hate me but they still run for the seven suns

Leave this life behind
Leave this life and clear my mind
To set things right I have to fight
I have to keep things in my sight
For all those that are tired
Know that you are admired
For your will to fight
And for your will to make things right







Reborn From The Ashes
"Ive been through weeks of war and have the burns and slashes, but in time you will see that like a phenoix I will be reborn from the ashes."

(Free Write Section)
Gods Blessing
I know now for a fact
What happened, happened for a reason
I think about the way things happened every day
We met earlier in life and I could swear that it was a sign
Think about the way things happened
And the fact that it did not take long for us to understand
Where this was going and it was great
Every time I think about it, it makes me cry
And this is coming from and emotional person
I will never forget the blessing that allowed us to meet once more
And turn this into a never-ending friendship
Not to mention the fact that I love having you
As not only my best friend but my little sister
Please always know I will watch over you
Protect you with my life
And do my best to show you my love

Finding Who I Am
Theirs just to much flying around my mind
I am having trouble keeping my head on strait
I feel as if the thoughts are moving a million miles a minute
If I keep track of them all it will be a miracle
As I sit and try to relax
I let the thoughts flow through me
Trying to sort them out and think them through
I wonder if I will ever find an answer to my stress
Till now I have not found a way to relax
But now I can get so relaxed it makes me numb
I try so hard to clear my head and just be calm
I really think it has help me to know who I really am

Clearing My Mind
The pain is constant and never ending
Because I am so emotional
Losing friends hurts me more than anything
It feels like a piece of me has died
Never to live or breathe again
I feel as if everything is leaving me
Like the ability to love and trust is being sucked away
I do the best I can to block out the pain but it just doesn’t work
It’s getting to a point where even meditation is no use
I endlessly search for how to get rid of this pain


Demonic Theory
I do all I can to release this rage
Feeling like im trapped in a satanic cage
Nothing left to fear I transform
Suddenly I start to feel warm
Although the blood in my veins runs cold
I think of what I was once told
If I am really in love
Then that’s all I will think of
And when I have nothing left to fear
That’s when it will be safe for her to come near
At times when I need to protect her I change
My body just seems to rearrange
This demon in me comes free
Its not something I can let her see
For the sake of my love for her I need to keep it within me
For ever to be locked away because no one said love is easy

Redefined
I’ve been looking a long time
With people acting like I am committing a crime
Starting to feel tired and weak
Not sure if ill find what I seek
I’ve realized the answers I seek are not clear
With this in mind I throw aside all my fear
I can’t describe how I feel
But it makes me wonder what you are trying to steal
I know my soul is strong
For this I am thankful for I know the battle will be long
I don’t yet know what I am trying to find
But I know I must build a strong mind
Try to take me down if you think you can
But I will show you that your little boy has grown into a strong man

Eternal Shame
There is a lot in this life for which ive had to fight
Even so I spend my nights staring up at the light
Unafraid to admit my shame
Anger drives my will to win this game
My mind is clouded with all my pain
It makes me wonder what I can gain
At most I would be lucky if this life can last
Knowing ive had a troubled past
Keeping what I know I must within
Having the emotion slowly wear thin

THE FIGHT
Though I do not want to give in
It feels as if its impossible to keep this monster from coming out from within
This emotionless cold being feels as if he is taking over my soul
Now I must find a way to fight or never get out of this deepening hole
Its closing in on me and sucking away everything
This dark force is bringing unfightable suffering
My soul frozen I now look for a way to thaw
I just hope I will be fast enough before I end up emotionless and raw