Search found 7 matches

by DeadlyApathy
Thu Nov 22, 2018 12:05 am
Forum: Expressions
Topic: I’ve Known for a While
Replies: 4
Views: 6142

Re: I’ve Known for a While

No one is going to want me. I can’t have children, but I suppose that’s good. But, really, It’s not about being willing, I just...can’t. Have you ever overtaxed your muscles so hard that they tremble and can’t stand up under the strain? That’s what this feels like. Sometimes I feel better and it see...
by DeadlyApathy
Wed Nov 21, 2018 11:27 pm
Forum: Expressions
Topic: Only This
Replies: 6
Views: 7108

Re: Only This

I can’t do this. There’s no point, really. I’m at a metal concert with my boyfriend. The stranger next to me cared more about if I got trampled than he did. The stranger kept his arms out as a barrier to protect me while my boyfriend did...whatever? And I had the most absurd thought, yeah? I knew it...
by DeadlyApathy
Sat Nov 17, 2018 1:52 pm
Forum: Expressions
Topic: I’ve Known for a While
Replies: 4
Views: 6142

I’ve Known for a While

I already know it’s going to happen, I just haven’t decided when. There are some steps I have to take first but I already know what they are. I know where I will go. I know how I will do it. It feels so strange because I have moments of terrified reason, where a tiny voice shouts in the recesses of ...
by DeadlyApathy
Wed Nov 14, 2018 11:23 pm
Forum: Expressions
Topic: Comfort in knowing
Replies: 8
Views: 9083

Re: Comfort in knowing

Besides. If I can’t fight my way through it then I don’t deserve to come out the other side. I don’t think that way about other people suffering the same thing, just myself. I have sympathy for all of you and I want everyone to be fine. But if this hurts so badly then I must deserve it somehow. I’l...
by DeadlyApathy
Wed Nov 14, 2018 9:02 pm
Forum: Expressions
Topic: Comfort in knowing
Replies: 8
Views: 9083

Re: Comfort in knowing

You are not alone in having felt this way. You could be describing the me from 35-40 years ago. But since then I'm been lucky enough to find someone who loves me, been married over 30 years and have raised two kids. Do I have a lot more friends now versus back then? No. But I also know that my pers...
by DeadlyApathy
Sun Nov 11, 2018 9:30 pm
Forum: Expressions
Topic: Comfort in knowing
Replies: 8
Views: 9083

Comfort in knowing

I’m on the outside of everything. I know everyone with depression feels that way. And I know that depression is a liar. It only makes you feel like you are outside when you are not, and that people really really really see you. And for them, at least, that is true. It’s so maddening sometimes, to be...
by DeadlyApathy
Tue Oct 30, 2018 2:52 pm
Forum: Expressions
Topic: Only This
Replies: 6
Views: 7108

Only This

I’m fine, I say to myself, it’s better this way. Some people talk about depression like it’s a violent struggle, but for me it’s so quiet and contained. I hate the idea of losing control of myself so I keep it buckled tight. It’s like I’ve been winding down for years and finally came to a stop in an...

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